Hallelujah Questions

At every point,
That I have turned,
I have been disappointed,
As I struggle to comprehend,
How I end up this way,
Searching and not finding,
Leads to problems of the spirit and the soul,
As Leonard Cohen,
Tugs at my heartstrings,
As picturesque and subtle beauty,
Only comes in black and white,
And the only word I can spare,
Is Hallelujah?

At every point,
Of this tragic life,
I have pushed on,
Searching,
Seeking,
Figuring out,
What I know,
And what I don’t,
Knowing that the latter is winning that battle,
Returning still to the faint hope,
Of the sun as it reaches a cross,
Just as it has in my life.

At every point,
I have reached toward the heavens,
Spiritual and not religious,
As I thrash about,
Again,
Cohen beckoning me to believe,
Something,
Just not sure what,
Nor is he.

At every point,
I have found,
That I am lost,
Wandering list fully,
Attempting to know,
That which refuses to be known,
In a useless quest,
That will only leave me,
Hanging.

At every point,
One way here,
Another way there,
Lonely and yet surrounded,
Again,
The clouds,
My tears reveal,
And again,
Leonard pulls me back,
A giant,
Pulling out of me,
Everything I have left,
But can I show it?
Did he?

At every point,
Loathing saves for when I love,
For who I love,
Is like an angels choir,
Many voices united,
In prayer,
But to who or what,
Is not so clear,
And if it were would it still be so majestic?

Leonard says he’s done his best,
And I know he has,
Tried,
As I have,
To begin the process,
Of healing,
And yet,
For us both,
It is vain,
That we wait for something we’ll never know,
At least not in this life,
Could we?

At every point,
Hallelujah,
My cross screaming out to be seen,
Wanting to be felt,
Longing to be known,
For what I am,
For who I am,
For when this life is over,
My words will remain;

Hallelujah!

SDM

Sounding Board

A sounding board revealed,
I contain my own melancholy,
Through a divine inspiration,
That you provide.

The music of my soul,
Uplifting,
At least to me,
As I can see the corner,
And soon turning I will,
Find the answer,
For what I seek.

A sounding board revealed,
I have been discreet,
With feelings that have torn at my flesh,
Leaving wounds that none but I can see,
Deep inside,
The vacuous fighting the emotions,
Raw.

The magic of this moment,
One note at a time,
As I know,
That soon I will see a shining light,
That even I cannot sully.

A sounding board revealed,
I know I’m in trouble,
Like a little school boy,
Beaten but not broken,
Looking into the future,
Blinded.

Knot so Funny!

In this world,
I see endless struggle,
And feel for those that are caught in the crossfire,
Which of course we all are,
In the end.

I have found meaning,
In attempting to explain my position,
Making it clear,
That I am here,
For you?

I have lost meaning,
At points when I am low,
Where I struggle to be,
What I know I was meant,
To be.

My Buddha beads,
On my wrist,
Counting my blessings,
Knowing that the curses,
Must end.

My stomach in knots,
As scatterbrained,
I continue down a path,
That few travel,
But all must find.

SDM

Ghosts of the Past

My revolution,
Began the day I was born,
January 11, 1975,
A child of the light,
Through my youth,
The intense,
Scattered my thought,
From war to war, revolutionary to revolutionary.

In them I found a simple kindness,
Something that perhaps,
None other saw.

My revolution began,
When I opened my eyes to the world around me,
Unhappy with its displeasure,
I retreated,
Into words,
My private surrender,
To that which was not right.

In my revolution,
I sought friends,
Quiet ghosts,
That had long been done,
Asking them questions,
Of what to do.

Che,
Always on my mind,
As he had given up comfort,
As I wish I could,
For still I am comfortable,
In my revolution.

Che,
The romantic notions aside,
Gave freely of his soul,
For all people,
Longing to create a better world,
And doing it the best way he knew how,
Which doesn’t mean that it was necessarily right.

Che came to me,
Perhaps as young as thirteen,
When in my adolescence I related,
To something that I could empathize with,
I found simple kindness,
In his advance,
Toward a more just society.

In Korda’s vision,
Che has been immortalized,
Iconic now,
So that kids where his image,
Without paying the price,
If understanding the 5 w’s of him,
Which even now elude me,
At least in part.

In my revolution,
When my skin touched those storied sands,
Where Americans played restless,
Fast and loose,
With a people so beautiful,
It is where I long to be,
Hemingway knew it,
And my revolution found a home.

Che,
What could you have done,
Knowing the full extent,
Of what you did,
I wonder what you would think of now,
As you are a Ghost from the Past,
That many would prefer erased,
Where I would prefer,
To see your revolution embraced,
With words.

SDM

Unreasonable

Revalacion,
As my Algeria holds fast to truth,
Rewards me,
With a clever phrase,
Or a not so subtle word,
My passion tied,
To a sense of reason,
Absolutely unreasonable,
For my life,
My crazy vida,
Must stop being a vida of pain,
Loosened from trustees,
By Leonard Cohen,
Calling me,
As everybody knows,
Except me.

SDM

My Secret Garden

In my secret garden,
The flowers speak to me,
Begging me for sunshine and rain in equal parts,
They ask me to nourish my soul,
With their fragrant rebellion,
Singing Hallelujah,
With every step I take toward them.

In my secret garden,
There are bees at every turn,
Sucking nectar from my talking flowers,
And each wish me a good day,
In proper English style,
Tilting their antennae,
Pointing the way,
For me to advance.

In my secret garden,
A snake,
Less that subtle,
Tempts me to eat the fruit,
And angrily shouts,
When I say the same thing each day,
I will not submit.

In my secret garden,
The cobblestones,
All giggle with delight when barefoot I walk over them,
Each saying that today is a new day,
Can you feel the suns blessings on your flesh?

In my secret garden,
The poisonous venom,
That tried to eat away my soul,
Now becomes the fall of rain,
That pleases my not so secret friends.

SDM

Numb Offense

Perhaps,
I think to myself,
In circuitous logic,
And irrational circles,
That my defense,
Was in fact an offense,
To all that was reasonable,
As bruised,
I discovered that I was alive,
The pain so pungent,
That it stung my nose,
Like a rotten egg,
Or a decomposing corpse,
Finding that I was alive,
I had no choice,
Kicking and screaming,
In those infinite circles,
Circles infinitely,
Tugging at my soul,
That I had to fight back,
As demons tried to rob me,
Like a thief in the night,
Coming at all hours,
Sending shivers down my spine,
But I did not give in,
For though numb,
I found,
Peace,
Finally.

SDM

Dylans Echo

The wind blows,
As I hear Dylan and my times are changing,
And keep me tangled up in blue,
Though the sunshine breaks the monotonous despair,
Allows my dream,
Floating free,
finding the strength,
To finally allow myself,
What for so long was true,
But avoided,
As the knocks on the door of my own sanity echoed,
I had no choice,
But to submit,
Give myself the generous permission to visit darkness,
Visions,
As Dylan says creeping,
As I gasp for air,
And acknowledge I must take it,
One day at a time.

SDM

Personal Odyssey

As I stare out into the abyss,
I consider,
Patiently,
Yet hurriedly at the same time,
The language of my own discontent,
My mother tongue if you will,
Finding that the universe keeps sending me to the fatherland,
To consider,
That which dares not be considered,
Stepping back from the abyss,
I discover again and over again,
That words are my language,
Regardless of their romanticism,
And I delight in that,
My personal odyssey,
Messy and unconstrained.

SDM

Snork

As I gargle words,
Like a juggler juggles knives,
I discover that a snork,
Can be as moving as a belch,
I catch a whiff,
Of my own stink,
Called passion.

SDM

Engage

Red,
Stop now,
Yellow,
A cautionary tale,
Green,
Go write you fool,
It is an inextricable part of you,
And that’s okay,
Its better than ok,
It is what you are meant to be,
Red,
Stop lounging in desolation,
For your superfluous gifts,
Are calling out,
Engage.

SDM

Inspire -

I seek sunshine,
In the place of darkness.

I take chances,
For I know not what else to do.

I seem change,
Because stagnation is death.

I long for adventure,
Because I have wanderlust.

I want to inspire,
You to be who you are.

SDM

Daily Spell - Double Entendre For Lavinia

A waterfall of my mind,
Drenches to the bone,
Where inside me I feel a beast at work,
That presents itself,
In every moment,
By an uncontrollable urge to write.

Peering through,
The window to my soul,
You must find me equal parts,
Maddening,
Saddening,
Enlightening,
And free.

Smudging my own ego,
With peppered dismissal,
Of what I have so close to the surface,
I penetrate my soul,
To profess my sanity,
If only to myself.

I will be free,
I will soar,
I will become,
I will be,
I know I am,
I know I can,
I know I should,
I know I will,
My daily incantation,
Uplifting and fearfully true.

With mucho gusto,
I know I have let go,
Finding equal parts,
Of me.

SDM

Off the Rails!

Both literally and figuratively true,
I have found myself,
Off the rails.

My life,
On a tragic crash course,
Disaster,
And it all was caused,
By a lack of truth.

Truth,
Glorious truth,
The full surrender to self,
Righting the past,
Writing the past and future,
Off the rails.

An upward spiral,
Now finds me,
As I discover self,
One second at a time,
Free.

No longer railing or reeling,
Against a torment,
That has haunted my past,
And shaken my future,
I have found solace.

In your love and light,
I have found,
Purpose,
Destiny and stared fate in the eye,
Restless and wandering.

Friends,
Revealing themselves,
In a beautiful truth,
Glorious truth,
That is the lubrication,
For my renewal.

Off the rails,
I have discovered,
That my destiny,
Is not a straight line,
Or a white one.

Off the rails,
Life begun anew,
An upward struggle,
To self,
I will be true,
As you have been,
To me.

SDM

Photo by Erika Van Dam

Amorphophallus Titanium,

Avenging my own unrelenting despair,
I and I,
In the same moment of space and time,
Looking on myself from the outside,
Purging toxic stress,
Leaving me rattled and shaken,
Yet I know,
Each day… survival is the name of the game.

Presupposing that I was meant,
To feel this pain and suffering,
That it was mine by birthright,
Not knowing what is in store,
Though knowing that it involves words,
Words from you,
That propel me on.

These words,
To you may seem nothing more,
Than something which defines life,
But to me,
A word is power,
An unnerving power that rattles my cage,
And causes,
Sobering thoughts.

Introspective,
And reclusive,
I sit in the darkness,
Pondering a world I’ve left behind,
And a new world,
Unfurling right before my eyes,
Like,
Amorphophallus titanium,
Ravishing to be sure.

Diligent,
You have honoured me,
And I in turn,
Honour you,
Acknowledging those imperious,
But leaving them,
Behind,
As I go forward,
Will you come with me?

SDM

Survivor Butterfly - For my New Friend Tisa

Sweet and innocent Tisa,
I empathize with your current struggle,
Though I can hardly know your pain,
Nor your journey,
Yet,
In this time of renewal,
I know that you will see,
These healing words,
That you will feel their warmth,
Despite our not knowing each other,
Until now,
Blessed to be a part of your struggle,
I so too know,
That you can draw strength,
From this compassion,
And fully realize,
That life is a journey,
And not a destination,
That your life is destined for greatness,
Further allowing yourself,
The beauty of a spiritual light,
To ignite the flame of your own surrender,
To hope,
The beauty of life,
Not always as we planned it,
Nor as we want it,
Yet in our acceptance,
Of the many gifts that come when we most need them,
We together discover,
The triumph of will,
In so doing,
Realizing the full power,
As a survivor,
Reborn,
As a fluttering butterfly,
Found in the breeze,
Sweet and innocent Tisa,
Catch the wind,
And soar,
With me,
Into your bright future.

SDM

Beyond...

As I transfer sadness for joy,
Pain for light,
Anguish for love,
I find energy,
Beyond,
Feverous as I devour,
Words,
From far and wide,
That pulls me from my disability,
Into a world of possibility,
And hope,
Unearthing an extraordinary design,
That plucks me from the monotonous cycle,
Of hellish decent,
Filling me with my sense of purpose,
Renewed.

SDM

Just a Tree?

As I walked down a street,
With nothing to offer,
But grey and drab,
My mind wandered,
And then,
As sudden as my birth,
I saw before me what seemed,
At the time,
Like the most beautiful tree I had ever seen,
Perhaps it was the change of scenery,
Or maybe,
Just maybe,
It was a beacon,
Of fuchsia and white,
Begging me out of depression,
Asking me to spring into me,
I wonder.

SDM

Found in Buddha - Lost in Thought

Today,
In light of all kinds of bad news,
I found a strength,
That allowed me to dare,
I collected thought,
Buddha,
In beads,
Friendship in amount I never thought possible,
New and old,
I swear by the light of the moon,
That the way you care,
Has shown me,
That I must dare to live,
To go on,
Regardless of whether life is fair or not,
I owe it to you all,
And I am now aware.

Comandante SDM

1000 Words

I’d asked for five,
And in your generosity you gave me 1000 or more,
I look at the shadows cast,
And envy your children.
For when they grow older,
They will rejoice,
In the beautiful spirit that is their mother,
Who so flawlessly captured the moments in life,
Tender,
Sublime,
Blissful,
Splendid Moments,
That I wish I had,
As I fall deeper into your shadows,
I see a glimpse of all of us,
In the implied curiosity,
And the gentle wisdom,
Of your kids at play,
I’d asked for five,
And 1000 more flood my consciousness,
As I consider,
Exactly what they are pondering,
And I know,
That in their innocence,
I can,
For a fleeting moment,
Rejoice,
In their splendor!

SDM

Nigh

Angst ridden,
I consider my own random repression,
Needless,
And for what,
To please masters never pleased,
For grist that never satisfies,
Transparent,
I reveal more in a minute,
Than a lifetime of unsatisfying or fulfilling work,
Wouldn’t you agree?

The road to my recovery,
Twists and turns,
Pushes and pulls me in directions,
I’d never imagined,
Much less considered,
As I realize the value of a system,
That could never be,
Leaving me,
Lost and found,
In stoic consideration,
Philosophy be damned,
My time,
Is nigh.

SDM

Global Warning

The pyramids were a warning,
A dire warning that none of us listened to,
That of a society,
A civilized society,
That will consume itself,
It was true of Egypt,
Rome and Great Britain,
Pax, Pax, Pax,
And now is true of the United States,
My attitude unshaken,
As I ponder the world the way I’d like it to be,
Rather than the way it is,
Though I must smile,
As prescient knowledge is given to few,
Who heed the warnings.

SDM

For ALM - With Thanks

My own invasion of Poland,
Was crossing from Czech by car,
On my way to one of the most endearing cities,
I have ever been,
In Wroclaw,
In the city centre,
I crossed the river and marveled,
At the raw brilliance of a city,
Destroyed by war and flood multiple times,
Rebuilt by the passion of the people,
Brick by brick,
Precisely.

Wanting to see Westerplatte,
But short of time,
We had to choose,
Picking our battles,
So as to see the most we could,
Zakopane also not in the cards and Warsaw,
We could not find the time.

I was on a mission,
One I have had since childhood,
One that brought us to the Jewish Quarter,
Of Krakow,
And then to Oswiecim,
A part of me never returning home with us,
As I witnessed,
First hand,
What industrial slaughter of a people looks like,
Falling to my knees, tears streaming down my cheeks,
I will never forget,
The man,
That sweet old man,
Who rushed to my side,
Extended his hand,
And called me brother,
As he lifted me back up again,
Our eyes meeting,
And in an instant,
There was no need for words,
Not there,
Not then,
We’d never meet again,
But my faith in humanity,
Though shaken,
Was restored,
By the simple action,
Of a beautiful man.

SDM

What are friends?

True friends are there;
Whether you are up or down!

Real friends are there,
To say the right thing, at the right time, in the right way,
And even when they don’t,
They still try.

Real friends stand by you,
When you face,
The fire-breathing dragon of life,
And help you stare it down,
With a warm hug,
And a knowing wink.

My friends,
My real friends,
True friends,
Have stood firm,
Holding the line of my own sanity,
Though razor thin,
And aid me as together,
We strive to tame the beast.

My friends,
Real friends,
The ones who’ve shown up,
In my moment of need,
Have reminded me of Aesop,
A hare, the rabbit, loosing,
To a tortoise, that knew,
The power of slow,
And I thank you,
My friends.

SDM

Kitty Play - For Cheryl

Like a delicate kitten,
New born and dependent,
I turn to the teat of these words,
Pleased as the nourish my soul,
Longing for a taste of surrender,
As my sixth sense kicks into overdrive,
Like a phoenix in flight,
Fire in the clouds,
So I whisper;
Rebirth!

SDM

In Vino Veritas

In Vino Veritas,
But no thanks,
I’m trying to cut down,
Though I do miss the sweet intoxicating velvet,
Swirling around on my palate,
Though,
In order for all parts of me,
To live in harmony,
Seizing the day,
I must gain control,
Of that little demon,
The leprechaun bastard,
So yes,
In Vino Veritas,
But not if I seek to,
Carpe Diem

SDM

Pinch Me

If I should wake,
Tomorrow;
discovering,
That while I slept,
(if only for an hour),
everything changed,
in the instant that I woke up,
there was no famine, sword or fire,
The Hounds of War,
Leashed in,
(Just barely),
tenuously hanging on,
As we embrace each other,
For the first time,
As Brother and Sisters,
Humanity,
At peace,
If I should wake in that world,
(PLEASE)
Pinch me!

Comandante SDM

First Twitter Words - P's for Robyn

Perpetual this pesky pain,
Revealed in pretty pastels,
Less like Miami,
More like Havana in the glory days,
A particular shade of me,
Constantly revealed,
Each day stronger,
Perhaps persistent I will present a poem,
Like a pancake,
The batter raw,
Just like this promising star.

SDM

Gracias Mi Havanera

Many times today,
I have had a fortuitous battle with myself,
Accepting that Cuba is where I should be,
Sitting on a beach,
Or the storied pathways of Havana's side streets,
My corazon at ease,
As with keystrokes or flicks of the wrist,
I continue to create,
With sounds of joy in the background,
Rather than the solace of my own misery,
The cancion of my own desires,
Filling up the void, that is just beyond,
Reach,
My amor for Cuba deep and faithful,
Hemingway and Che,
Propelling me to go on,
At paz with myself there I would be,
Wandering free,
Viva liberdad,
My Corazon!

Comandante SDM

An Orchestration... for Lavinia

In concerto,
A full orchestration,
The sounds of the strings, when perfect,
Are tangy,
And tug at my heartstrings,
Like the first kiss,
Of a love born in spring.

The glorious sounds,
Of a perfectly struck chord,
On a violin or viola,
Is music to my soul?
A wispy celebration of the surreal.

And then deafening,
Shattering such serenity,
The horns pounce,
Trumpets flailing,
Like my spirit at present,
As if Miles Davis,
Sans quartet,
Demanded my attention.

In concerto,
In one perfect orchestration,
Like the Brandenburg,
I know the twang, the pounce, the wispy and the sharp,
As I know the very blood flowing through these tired veins.

SDM

Nourish

At war with myself,
My psyche a fragile prisoner,
Of something that is outside the realm of what I’ve known,
No understanding,
For in this world,
What is truly to be understood?
Lies and deceit,
Conceit and ego,
Like a humid august afternoon,
Slap.

Yet,
I have no more room to delay,
As my life,
Is only lived once,
And I must grab it,
And let go,
Shoot for the moon,
Not one shot,
But many.

In a self imposed cell,
I reminisce about days gone by,
When alcohol and cigarettes,
Where friends,
But no more,
As I abandon all hope,
That self medication works.

Now,
I and I must champion I,
Liberate myself, alleviate my fears;
Hold fast to character and integrity,
Lose the parts of me,
That need not be found,
So I can nourish,
Gently,
This talent,
No longer hiding,
So all the world can see.

SDM

Havana Beckons

As I sit here,
Doing the only thing that makes any sense to me,
I refuse to block or repress my emotions, as I strive to be honest with myself,
About this hellish brute of a lapse,
The only resourcefulness I have,
Is to retreat,
Or is it advance,
As I way with the furious tides,
I picture a tree,
A willow,
From my childhood,
Upon which I used to sit and think,
And now I stare into the void,
Of a concrete jungle,
That offers me no hope,
Longing to be with Hemingway,
Havana beckons,
trading this grey mess,
for a civilized people
And I must submit.

SDM

Ego Game

“It’s all a game,”,
the rabbit gleefully announces,
as the wolf attempts to pounce;
“I spy with my little eye”, says the wolf,
filled with bravado missing his feast,
“Ah the ego has led you astray,” says the rabbit,
as she bounces out of reach yet again.

SDM

Shame

How long can we continue to rape the planet?
Treat the Amazon like a Costco size Cottonelle?
Deforestation slowly choking us all and for what,
Toilet paper or McDonald’s Beef?
In the manifestations of profit,
It is a shame,
National and international,
That we know what to do,
And what do we do instead;

Jump in the car,
Head to Costco,
And buy ten more pounds of crap we don’t need,
Smart!

SDM

Porous Monkey

Why would anyone drink Diet Coke?
I mean I know why… but it seems like eating wheat grass or an Aspen leaf,
It might be good for you, but where’s the fun in that?
Of course I’m a skinny monkey,
“Get it Mon – key”
Free to eat, drink and do whatever I want,
At least for now!
Who knows,
Maybe someday my metabolism won’t be so porous???

SDM

In that Pasture

Put me out to pasture,
Near to the Gooseberries patches
Watch how I thrive,
My head above the clouds,
As I touch the hand of Zeus,
Reaching for the Jersey shore,
Closer to my lover,
Still my sadness reigns,
As I consider possibility,
But not,
In that pasture.

SDM

Grain of Sand

Grappling,
Not quite sure if up is up,
And if I’m on it,
Dreaming of a far away beach,
Where I can be me,
Watch the kite surfers,
And record their wind,
In words,
Biking back to my shack,
Acknowledging Buddha’s embrace,
Seeking Zen,
My scarred emotions,
Revealed inelegantly,
Like a Thai kick boxing match,
Ouch!

SDM

As Destiny Intended

Like Frost,
The road less travelled,
Did I take,
But I fear,
I took the wrong road,
Following a trail to my own discontent,
Running away from myself,
Trying to be everything for everybody,
The result;
Nothing for me.

No more can I follow,
The path I’ve walked,
Ignoring a talent so raw,
That in its refinement,
I will find comfort,
A peaceful warrior poet,
Emerging daily,
Five words at a time.

My grief,
Sheer and antagonizing,
Holding me in the despair,
As I consider what I lost,
In the time I’ve wasted.

As I heal,
I know that I can,
I know that I will,
I know that you will,
Soar with me,
As I finally take flight,
As destiny intended.

SDM

If

If Rodin was here,
I would ask him to sculpt me,
So I could see myself,
Through his eyes.

If I were a canvas,
Painted by Rockwell’s hand,
Would he see the torment,
And capture the suffering in my eyes?

If I could be a song,
It would be Happy Birthday,
So I could celebrate everyday.

If I were a poem,
Would a Captain, My Captain I be,
Or Still I rise,
The Body Electric,
Or Sonnet 51?

If I were a dream,
I would be me,
Finally,
Standing proud,
For all to see.

SDM

The Moment I Saw Her

The moment I saw her,
My life changed,
As I recognized,
Irrationally,
That without even knowing her name,
I had seen my wife.

In that realization,
I approached the bar,
Asked three questions,
And the rest is,
As the say,
History.

Our love found,
In a darkened room in Toronto,
Though our souls had always known,
Each other,
Transcending the physical universe,
Entering the spiritual divine.

My passion unyielding,
Evermore,
Knowing that Sender loves Charmaine,
And vice versa,
Requited,
For the first time in my life.

SDM

Crazy Diamond

In the shadow of giants,
Pink Floyd urging me on,
Shine on,
I a crazy diamond,
So clearly in the rough,
Waiting for a beast,
To shoot out of my belly button,
To explain this pain surreal,
As my fury bubbles over,
I give way to serenity,
My body heats up,
To counter the cold and calculated schemes,
Of a demon beckons,
And with smiles,
I will,
Dismiss him.

SDM

Balor's Bargain

At the crossroads,
Like Robert Johnson,
My delta blues,
Ad the devil at my back,
Balor grasping at my heart,
Though I resist,
You will not win, as I blush at the thought,
Of your demise.

Such a spectacle,
This must be,
For those of you on the outside,
Looking in,
See the monkey type,
Reveal his soul,
With insight and clarity,
If you’ll see it.

At the crossroads,
My soul is not for sale,
No Bargain like Johnson’s,
Except for the right price,
And I assure you,
None can afford it.

Pangs of guilt,
As I plead,
For a saffron moon,
The one that lit the way,
To my deliverance,
All those years ago.

SDM

Once Someone Said

Someone once said,
It is easier to destroy than to create;

I disagree fervently!

Someone once told me to consume;
Creature comforts would make me feel good…

They lied!

Someone once called me a friend;
If that is friendship…

I would rather embrace an enemy!

Someone once said to me;
I could trust them…

History has proven otherwise!

Longing to engage my genius,
Not an ego statement…

I ponder the meaning of inner peace, as I am ripped;
Into too many pieces to count!

SDM

A Sheep in Tigers Clothing

Like the Berlin Wall,
I have come crashing down.

In Havana,
My soul is content,
And I wish to speak with Hemingway;

He would understand!

Czeslaw Niemen,
Begging me back to Poland,
Bialogard’s simplicity and hope.

Not yet having seen,
Bratislava,
I know I would lap in its beauty,
And its pain.

Barcelona,
Oh Barcelona,
I and I unfinished,
Like Gaudi’s Sagrada Familia,
A work in progress.

A sheep in tigers clothing,
I participate,
In my own rebirth.

SDM

Its Own Lolita

My mind;
Its own Lolita,
Tempting,
But I must resist.

The sky,
A crimson glow,
Red and yellow hue,
Lighting up my soul,
A lantern to guide my way.

Standing emotionally nude,
Before you all,
As I struggle to find,
Peace of mind.

My mind;
Its own Lolita,
And these words,
My candy.

SDM

At Your Service - For Havanera

I am a servant,
Your servant,
Anxious to ensure that in your service,
I can somehow enlighten you,
Should you choose it;

I am a servant,
Your servant,
It is my pleasure to hopefully open your eyes,
Your hearts and your minds,
So that as friends together,
We may heal the planet.

I am a servant,
Your servant,
A man of peace,
But only one man,
Come to call spades spades,
And reveal the tyranny of evil,
Wherever it may be.

I am a servant,
Your servant,
Seeking justice for all,
Not just the few,
Who can afford it.

I am a servant,
Your servant,
Come to reveal the power of love,
The power of you,
To make a change,
Today,
With only a thought.

As your servant,
It is my great joy,
And through my service,
I heal my wounds,
I am your servant.

SDM

For JF - Just One Hour

A friend advises,
That I imbibe,
A glass of chamomile,
The soothing tea,
An effort to sooth my soul,
In absolute silence,
I long for sleep,
But Balor beckons,
And I am,
Bound for fears,
And wishing for just an hour,
Of uninterrupted rest.

SDM

For Havanera - The Lonely Wade

It is ubiquitous,
It recedes and grows,
Wanes and flows,
The harder I fight,
The less I can surrender.

Attempting to stone the devil,
His name Baler,
Send him alone,
Without me,
Back to hell.

My tender soul,
With so much life yet to live,
Fighting for its own survival,
Desperately lonely,
As I wade through this lonely time.

No longer stoned,
No longer running away,
Instead now running en route to,
A life less pained,
Throwing a brick,
Through the window to I,
Shattered.

Anonymous voices,
That I dare not listen to,
Throw me in every direction,
Longing for sanity to return,
As I have begun,
Loving all parts of I.

Feeling like worn leather,
Transfixed by the unusual process,
That will turn these purple bruises,
To words of love and joy,
Revealing suffering and my egos avarice,
Though I know, now, I have no choice,
Survival the name of the game.

Weird the course I am on,
As I bleach all negativity,
Cleaning myself of my steadfast upset,
As I return that to myself,
Which I have always desired.

Wondering in my painful isolation,
Fuck,
When will this end.

SDM

Morning Unease - For ALM

Up before sunrise,
The streets singing their gruesome tale,
As wetted by an early rain,
The cars punish the road.

Seeking balance,
I attempt meditation,
Envisioning a bee,
Master of its flowery domain.

Unfortunately,
From the attack of Balor,
My vibrations are unkind,
And I cannot find,
Stillness.

SDM

Gentle Frog - ALM

Gentle Frog,
Your pungent fragrance,
Juxtaposed,
With your vivacious spirit,
Still,
With you I would like to jump,
Life much simpler,
With one big breath,
A bigger leap,
Gentle Frog!

SDM

Balor

A Celtic demon,
Balor,
Descended upon me,
And tore my strength,
Placing them at the four corners of the earth,
Approaching with masked intent,
His sole desire,
To break me down,
Consume me with fire,
Trying to resist,
My mind seemed bored,
Unable to hold back,
The fury of the little devil,
And turned me into a liar,
Drenched to the bone,
With sweat and fear,
I seek dryer ground,
Where I can reassemble,
The many pieces,
Of I.

SDM

In Place of Blood

In place of blood,
Words stain this page,
Giving in to temptations,
Self-loathing and doubt,
My subconscious maliciously ripping at my soul,
Crippling fear.

Words my only escape,
And yet a prison too,
For caught in time,
A moment that is unrelenting.

Escaping words,
Flowing like the Nile,
As I surrender,
To a pain more awful than any before,
But I continue,
And will;
Eternally!

Crime and punishment,
Free and forgiving,
My parole must soon be upon me,
When I can,
Not short of breath,
Exhale this toxic thrust,
Tonight.

SDM

What more do you want?

What more do you want?
How much more can I submit?
White flag waved!

I have nothing else to give,
For my vessel is empty,
And I and I know not what you seek.

Waiting in vain,
Or so it seems,
My hurt grows and retreats.

I surrender,
Please I surrender,
Just let me go.

Let me go,
This wretched pain,
You will not win!

SDM

There is a Battle

There is a battle,
A herculean struggle being waged,
Where Atlas shrugs and Zeus laughs
Two different parts of myself,
At times overwhelming,
A fright so terrifically real,
That I retreat to a safe place, though there is none;

Drawing on the strength of my ancestors,
Knowing that it will pass,
In a moment, or five or next year,
It is timeless and gut wrenchingly painful,
Rationality seemingly defenseless to something unreal.

How can that be?
How can it be,
That the imaginary,
Can fill me with such a fright,
That I become paralyzed?

How can it be,
That in manic sanity,
Insanity creeps beneath the door,
Battles the fortress of I,
Leaving me weak,
Confused,
Terrified?

There is a battle,
That leaves me on the field,
In fetal position, begging for it to end,
Moments like hours,
Hours like the universes expanse, infinite;

It’s not real,
But that is not enough,
To ward off clinging demons,
Monstrously menacing,
And in an instant,
Though they leave,
A seeping wound,
Is left,
To pick up the pieces,
There is a battle and I will emerge;
Victorious.

SDM

The Curtains

The Curtains

Brown,
They reflect back the suns rays,
As I seek comfort,
And protection,
From the veil that they mask,
As inside,
I shake,
Without the benefit of rattle and roll,
Shaken to the core,
Brown,
As tones and hue,
Reveal to me,
That all I need do,
Is breath?
Relax,
And grasp the comfort,
Of the veil.

SDM

Purge

Fear,
The rational and irrational fighting inside me,
So afraid that tears well up in my eyes,
And my body trembles uncontrollably,
Anxiety almost unbearable,
Fear,
No ying and yang,
It is so real,
And yet I know it is not,
Unreal
Petrified,
And unable to face it,
So I reach out and ask,
Please help,
And eventually,
Like now,
It subsides,
Real fear,
To the bone,
Leaving me shaken.

SDM

Note to Self

Stop beating yourself up,
Never, never, never, stop writing,
Be free,
In this written paradise,
Climb the highest mountain and proclaim,
I am worth every syllable,
Every consonant,
Every vowel,
be who you are and find stillness,
Escape into the luscious fragments of your mind,
And understand,
That as Douglass said;
“Let no man pull you so low as to hate him,”
As true of others,
As it is for yourself,
No more self-loathing,
No more destruction of that which is beautiful,
Be who you are,
Note to self,
And what you are,
Is what you believe,
A writer,
Evermore.

SDM

Blessed to Know Love Requited

I have been blessed to know a love true,
That has seen me constantly struggle,
And without equivocation,
Has stood by me,
When all seemed lost,
Forcing me to acknowledge,
All that I have to offer,
Even when I am too blind, stubborn or stupid to see.

I can close my eyes,
And transcend space and time,
Though distance separates us,
Our souls are mingling through the ages,
And constantly brought back,
To each other.

My sweetest love,
For whom I continue to endure,
For whom I keep going,
For whom I have always known,
A love that I was born to give and receive.

She stands by me,
Day and night,
Watching as I continue,
A work in progress,
A love that pulls understanding,
Where there is none,
And beckons me to greatness,
And I her.

I know a love true,
That bears witness,
And holds in the highest esteem,
Charity, hope, love and faith,
Her virtue uncompromising,
And her truest beauty,
Far beyond,
In her souls fire.

I know a love true,
And for her,
I submit,
A love requited,
Together forever,
And beyond,
And her name,
The sweetest I have ever known,
Charmaine!
And I love her so...

SDM

SB - Illuminating Struggle

Probing through the many parts of me,
Those leave me speculating as to where exactly,
I fell off the rails,
Hoping to discover that missing piece,
That completes this transition.

Longing to change,
My current state,
I have embraced each of you,
As the pillars of strength,
That will free me from this burden,
A hellish nightmare I yearn to end.

In a lifetime of frustration,
On each end,
A storied story,
Of a man who longs to find,
I.

To my surprise,
When I let go,
Of those destructive forces,
That had taken hold of I,
The universe replied,
In vibrant tones,
Of love, faith, honour and hope.

Waiting for the laughter to return,
I honour each of you,
For honouring me,
In my hour of need,
One stanza at a time.

SDM

Grumpy Cat

Slyly,
The Cheshire Cat grins at me,
So real that I can touch him,
But I resist his foul temptation,
As I smile in return,
Much to his chagrin,
I find the strength,
To be joyous and calm,
As the monumental and stupendous struggle,
Reveals the resonance of a soul searching.
Ever more.

SDM

For My Passionate Friend - Lucy

The punishing sound of my own silence,
Is broken with the lulling and sweet caress of Bach,
Melodically begging me to become the master creator of my own Air on the G,
That in this music I may find some answers,
And the opportunity to resist my demons.

In that search,
Though difficult, I know,
That I must be willing to accept my souls forgiveness,
For my retreat into a private hell.

As all around,
Angels appear at moments surreal and palpable,
Revealing a gentleness that I never imagined,
I was worthy of.

My passions are these words,
A passion that does not subside,
A passion that I cannot resist,
It is futile,
For it is my driving life force,
Words.

Love has presented,
Signed, sealed, and delivered,
By my closest friends,
To whom I have begged for the strength,
To carry on,
And each day I realize,
All the love I have to give and more.

SDM

My Resolve for SJM

A swollen brook flows,
As I tolerate my own indifference,
To the depression that wrenches my soul,
My despise giving way to love,
And surrender.

As I oil my mind,
Lubricating the invention,
More correctly the rebirth,
Of my own ascension,
I will be…

To feel as if a handsaw,
Had hacked my insides,
Leaving no bruises,
But the scars so very real,
That none can see,
I push on.

As I forage my own intentions,
I discover the resilience of alfalfa,
Its tender shoots,
The fibers that allow me,
To grow,
Spiritually.

With seething anger,
My face turns red,
As I consider the past,
But I know,
That my future will be my resolve.

SDM

My Humble Thanks!

Finally,
Coming into my own,
And all I had to do – was give in,
Which is not nearly the same as giving up,
By giving in I have discovered,
That the parts of me that are broken,
Are merely callings to reassemble?
The jigsaw of my reality,
Giving in,
I found,
Who my real friends are,
The ones that stand by me,
When I am down,
Feeding me with endless nourishment,
Of wisdom, enthusiasm, a gentle caress,
Of two spirits,
That dance like a kite,
Free to fly,
To explore,
Roaming together in the uncertainty,
And arriving,
At what was always there,
Just deep inside,
Finally,
Letting go,
Surrendering,
I have discovered,
That the parts of I,
That for so long had been counted as demons unconquerable,
Were merely signposts on the journey of life?
That at one time either too blind or too ignorant,
I could not or would not,
Engage,
Well today I stand up,
I will be heard,
I will be counted,
I will celebrate the totality of who I am,
And in so doing,
Gain insight into what it means to truly live,
And my friends,
My real friends,
Stand by my side,
At the ready,
To, if necessary, again,
Pick me up,
Deliver me the tools for my own reassembling,
And I am humbled by it,
For as tears of joy,
Stream down my face,
Calling out to the ether,
I know, that I am close,
And that I can feel,
These emotions raw,
But must use them,
To propel me forward,
To the place we all know I should be,
Humbled,
Grateful,
And aware,
I celebrate each of you,
Who know who you are,
For causing me to realize,
That my journey had to include this moment,
To reignite that passion that burns so brightly inside of me,
My only hope,
Is that I too,
Can repay your generosity of spirit,
By being who I am,
And returning to you,
The same generosity,
When you are at your lowest –

I stand before you anew,
Understanding how far I’ve come,
And how far I still must go,
But I draw strength from you,
Demonstrated here,
With humble thanks,
These words are all I can give,
For all of you have given me permission,
To soar.

SDM

Easter Dinner

Coming out my shell,
I allowed myself,
If only for a moment,
To shine,
Letting go of everything,
Though difficult,
I was able,
For a few hours,
To speak comfortably,
To control my anxiety,
And make new friends.

Coming out of my shell,
I could feel,
Something I hadn’t felt in a while,
That tender and soothing calm,
And belly laughs result,
In a room of virtual strangers,
Embracing me,
Conversation freely flowing,
From politics, to religion, to creativity,
And to what I hope to be,
And what so clearly I am,
My willingness to play,
Rewarded by their admiration.

New allies,
Letting me know,
And confirming,
That what I am is a writer,
And they,
Sharing in the joy,
That I so easily expressed,
As they asked,
About my journey,
And longed to see all sides of me.

Today in reflection,
I realize that dinner with friends,
Is more than just dinner,
It is a celebration of life,
And even in the deepest hell of depression,
A kind word,
An open heart,
And a welcoming home,
Can give,
Albeit temporarily,
A real comfort,
And allowances that it is okay to be,
I.

SDM

Landslide

Caught in a landslide,
To determine my fate,
I start to unwind,
And accept that what must be must be,
Learning more each day,
I plot a destiny,
That includes more joy than sorrow,
More laughter than tears,
Recognizing that the universe laughs,
At best laid plans,
Yet still I press on,
Marching to the beat of my depressions drum,
Longing for that sweet innocence,
That escaped me in my youth,
Holding on to that bargain for self,
Just long enough to expose,
A diamond from coal,
Or a river a glacier,
This process,
In which I seek to demonstrate my own self worth,
Again,
Is a searing pain,
That will return,
I to I,
Filled with love, life, and surrender,
The more I give in,
The more the universe rewards me,
For being,
Me.

SDM

Stumble Leta (Or as we say Next Level)

Somber,
As I remember a life deluded,
Where the bottom of a bottle,
Was the answer to my problems,
The Scotch,
Three fingers at a time,
Falling down,
Not drunk just numb,
Constant,
Scotch,
Somber,
Angry,
Tormented,
In an emotional duck and cover,
As I search for the semblance of me,
That I might know,
That I might feel,
That I might surrender,
That I might know,
And yet,
All I know,
Is all I have not known,
That all I have not known,
Is what I am yet to become,
How to search for that which cannot be found,
Unless you release,
Unless I release,
Of course you being more easy than I,
Hence my constant rush toward you,
Rather than I,
Should this have been easy,
Should I not know how discovered,
The provenance of my true life work,
I could not understand,
That my soul,
My mind,
My body and my surrender,
Could not be unpeeled,
Like an onion,
Layered,
Tears concealing,
What I have always known,
My rusted exterior,
Need only be polished,
Dropped…
So I can stand upright,
Polished,
Debonair,
And suave.

SDM

For CMO - With love and thanks

Do you hear voices?
No really, the voices,
Do you hear them?
So I am alone,
Searching for something,
In the tortuous whispers,
Of Aries, Mars and Zeus,
Taking hold of my soul,
And demanding that I honour them;
Honour them,
Honour them,
The Gaul,
As they have not honoured me,
Instead,
They have caused my souls regression,
To a point,
That it had become unrecognizable,
Even to me,
Honour them,
Honour them.
As I seek they hide,
As I hide they seek,
But what and why,
Is less clear that how and when,
Honour them,
Shall I surrender to that which does not allow me any solace,
As in the shadows lurking,
I see in them the dark of I,
The true unreal and unreal true,
Holding fast to what I am,
Honour bound,
And duty found,
Honour them,
But how,
When in the cold romanticism,
All I desire is to be cuddled by the light.

SDM

For CM - With Love and Thanks

I’m no Chihuahua,
My bark is just as big as my bite,
Unfortunately for my own realizations,
That bite has clipped me,
Unreasonably,
However,
As I seek to illuminate my own existence,
A chandelier fulfills my greatest desires,
As crystals reveal to me,
A prism of opportunity,
Swollen and retreating,
Like a grape longing to be a raisin,
I will allow myself,
The strength,
That I know is still inside,
Requiring nothing more than a little fluffy love,
And a kiss from the sunshine,
I will run,
To become,
What you know,
I was meant to be.

SDM

For GM - With Thanks

Deep in sleepy thoughts of a life I’ve left behind,
Realizing that running from myself,
Only thrust me further into a pit,
The bowels of hell where Cerberus prevented my escape,
From which I could not emerge without all of you,
Those who take the time,
To celebrate life,
And help return me to I,
Regrets mount,
And reveal so much more than I thought possible,
Clearly illustrating that the way to I,
Is by embracing me,
Long a dreamer,
Longer afraid to allow those dreams to unfold,
Again running away from,
Rather than to,
But now,
As I sit here contemplative,
I know that all will shine brighter than the sun,
Unleashing a torment that is passion filled,
So long as I take the time,
To fully engage,
In my dreams,
with the conviction and strength I draw,
from you!

SDM

Lunch with ALM

My mind had become numb,
Undone by years of an active brain,
That would stretch far and wide,
Considering the iniquity of the world,
And the Devilish nature of humanity,
Its ability to destroy more easily than to create,
Its unstated but practiced desire to ensure the rights of one over another,
By force, if necessary,
My empathy taking hold of my shattered soul,
And punishing me in ways that I never thought possible,
Tirelessly investigating everything that had gone wrong with the world,
I completely lost sight of what was right,
And then in a brilliant flash,
My mind escaped me,
In order to protect me from myself,
It refused to allow me to eat myself from the inside out,
It begged me to forgive myself,
To forgive those around me,
Forgive the world its faults,
And if I did not,
It would punish me,
By ceasing to be the great gift it had always been,
Vanishing into measured insanity,
Taking a snap shot and a full accounting of I,
A picture perfect photo of what to do as vivid as a Klimt’s Kiss,
I closed my eyes,
And the world vanished,
Leaving only I,
To rebuild from a nostalgia of five senses,
None more powerful than the aroma that sent my mind into a less than subtle tango,
Graceful and pronounced,
Proud and free,
Powerful in stride,
Returning to self,
Refusing to hide,
Accepting what is, was and will be,
Instantly.

SDM

My Rebirth with ALM's words

My birth started in motion,
A series of events,
That have led me to this moment,
The year was 1975,
At the height of winter,
Just after a new year had begun,
Gratefully I acknowledge,
The sheer power my parents gave me, in that moment,
That first they said:
“We will call him, Sender”
My name is at the core of who I am,
A Yiddish name,
Born of Alexander,
The name of Kings of Scotland, Poland and Yugoslavia,
I grew up a challenged boy,
My soul torn in different directions,
Blessed with a beautiful mind,
At every step,
Despite the curse,
Choosing life,
Yet now,
I embrace my name in a way I could not,
Had I not experienced an emotional death,
Only to discover rebirth of self,
Out of sheer agony and pain,
I am Sender,
And I was reborn,
Today.

SDM

From Step Mothers Love

The truth will set you free,
Says the idealist young man,
Trapped inside the mind of the ancients,
A dichotomy,
Only half visible,
That one so young,
Could exist so old,
In a common vernacular,
Which reveals in itself,
As bargaining for peace of mind.

SDM

Dinner From a Friend!

“What is a Muse?” Asks a young woman,
As I am longing to purge my soul,
In an attempt to find still,
Quite simply I answer her,
“It is the beautiful flame of inspiration.”

“Why then…” asks the girl,
“Why are you not running toward it?”
And simply I answer,
“For to do so would be to abuse her charity to me!”

“How then…” asks the sweet innocent girl,
“Do you discover her power?”
Quite simply I answer,
“By waking dreams and dreams awake.”

SDM

Wordplay for my Havanera

These words flow,
As I channel Hemingway, Shakespeare and Neruda,
Closing my eyes so I can see and flutter,
Fingers dancing across the keys,
As loudly Puccini beckons forth,
To take that chance,
Deliverance,
Against convention,
Not like Che captured in Korda’s now infamous picture,
Instead like Comandante,
Trying to seize the Havana of my soul,
And gleefully celebrating,
What I have always known,
And only now can reveal,
Here,
For you,
In this sweet romance.

SDM

For KF - With Many Thanks

In the restless solitude of this languid soul,
I scream out,
Violently to the stars,
Hear me damn you,
Hear me,
And then in a moment of infinite delight,
It screams back at me,
You fool,
The question needed asking,
The begging needed to be pure,
Before you surrendered and allowed the veracity of your gift,
To manifest,
You fool,
As you endure,
I will unleash in kind,
A force in you,
That even you did not know was there,
You fool,
I will give to you all you’ve asked and more,
Now that you have given away,
All there is to give.

The universe then beckons like a mother a child,
Placing the stars around me,
Alignments unclear at first,
Until when fully enveloped,
I forgive myself trespasses,
And sweetly the scent of hope,
As pure as untouched snow,
Or that faint odour of your first loves hair,
Allows joy to crawl from the deepest pit of I and I,
If only for a moment,
You fool,
Let go,
Why are you hanging on to that, which tortures you?
Whispers soft and sublime still singing,
As the peculiar oddities of the brightest invention,
Fall before my eyes,
As I shudder to think,
All I had do was let go,
Of what was never I to begin with.

And then,
With the veracity of the question realized,
The universe claims I,
As its latest prince,
Worthy of the gift of life,
And more importantly,
A love requited,
Bequeathed unequivocally and without condition,
As I now realize,
That in order to shine,
In order to become one,
All the stars align,
As sirens sing a song,
That long I have sought,
But was not yet privileged to hear,
Until I gave in,
In a moment of dire need,
Surrender,
And the stars rejoice,
As the ancients reveal their wisdom,
With sage like fortitude,
And now,
I too will whisper,
In many thanks,
For love.

SDM

Wordplay for my friend OH!

Where can one find the integrity?
To let go of all parts of an identity,
Manufactured, processed, aggrandized,
But not at all genuine,
To finally slow down and accept all parts of me,
Whether good or bad,
Necessary to acknowledge, internalize and accept,
That, which you are,
In an effort to discover,
That which you will become,
A journey that begins each day anew,
One little, simple, profound step at a time,
Without feeling profound,
Though it is,
For our acceptance of self,
The little things count,
Each adding up to implore us ever greater,
To new heights,
Soaring above the clouds,
Where at our own tempo we can fall back to earth,
To uncover that which is so obvious,
Yet is just out of reach,
Until we finally surrender,
Become one with our pain,
Giggle like a child at the struggle,
That ultimately leads to the path,
Where gratitude can make known,
That invisible key,
Unlocking all you have always been,
and presenting the world with a beautiful spirit,
that needed only polish,
and not demise.

SDM

Wordplay April 3 (from a Western Soul Searching)

Here I stand,
Before you,
Naked as the day I was born,
Revealing to you,
That which you yourself are not willing to explore,
Or so it seems, with most,
Liberated by the eddy that confronts my soul,
Though juxtaposed against a violent swell of deepening sadness,
Of my own design and course,
corrected in eclectic moments, glimpses of sanity,
With five words delivered by true friends far and wide,
Bursting from the page,
My descent to and from madness,
That has released the handcuffs,
I myself had put on my wrists,
Fearing that I was nothing,
No good,
Not able to convince the world around me that this really is what I am meant to be,
No tricks,
No illusions,
Smoke and mirrors of the past,
Giving way to raw emotions that are no longer tempered by ill conceived rationalilzations or my intellect,
Naked,
I stand on the firing line,
Of my own awareness,
Of what I am meant to be,
Can you say the same,
Or does the comfort you know,
Blind you to the opportunity of self,
Unsheathed,
Wielded more powerfully than the Atomic bomb,
In an instant,
You can know,
A design of divine intent,
If only you could see the signs,
That truly are,
Right before your eyes.

SDM

Wordplay April 2 (From a Woman with the Strength of Hercules who found love...in me CH)

Reaching into my pockets,
Empty,
I grasp the full meaning of nothing and everything,
For though, as I’ve said before,
I may not be rich,
But surely I am the wealthiest man alive,
For from me springs truth, conviction, inspiration and love,
And what more do we really need? Thus,
Call me the emotional Carnegie,
Whose baggage,
Though heavy and burdensome,
Is daily growing lighter,
And like a feather,
I will fly.

Unpleasant these moments,
Those have sunk me into the deepest pit of despair,
And yet,
These mixed emotions are tempered, tempered in an unrelenting faith,
That I can and will emerge from this tumult,
Liberated,
Free to roam,
And hopeful that I can take in,
The sweet breathe of spring,
The delightful sweet caress of grass,
And the swooning song of birds in flight
Filled with delight and renewal.

Electric,
Each sensation that taps my soul,
And begs me out,
Into the world from which I disengaged,
Feverishly contemplative of the state of man to find some answer for ME,
my veins flow with the wisdom of the ages,
That at present I cannot comprehend,
As my emotional Rosetta stone is missing fragments,
That would easily explain,
This path I am on,
Yet easy, is not always best.

I have become death, the destroyer of worlds,
Countless creations of ego and id,
Longing to create,
That perfect picture, though perfect it can never be,
For I now know I am always to be a work in progress,
And have works progressing,
And it seems, that I can find solace,
In that recognition,
At least for now,
As I have realized I am the Coalition of the Willing,
Willing to roam,
Willing to try,
Willing to fly,
Willing to surrender to years of anguish,
Before in this spring,
I am born anew.

My greatest joy,
An unconditional love of humanity,
Though I must accept,
The fact that the imperfection of our lives,
Is the grist that makes a man of boys?
And a beautiful woman of little girls,
Desiring that we all could stay in that land of innocence,
Of playground tag,
And sandbox love,
That for every laugh,
There must be a tear,
For every fear,
There is a conquering faith,
For every sadness,
There is a flower in spring,
A snowflake and rain,
For life truly is one equal and opposite action after another,
And my action now,
Is to allow,
Gracefully,
My subconscious to join the Neanderthal,
So that I might stand erect,
Tall and proud,
Acknowledging flaw and fault,
Gift and greatness,
For I am here,
Alive,
Restless and wandering,
Into the hitherto unknown,
Fighting all the way,
To the world I long to know.
Don’t you want to know?
Dream with me!

SDM

Wordplay 1 April 3 (Aga)

A chosen outsider existing on the fringe,
I must acknowledge and accept,
The facts of life as they are,
And not as I want them to be,
Marginalized by those who abused me,
Utilizing the very essence of my spirit,
To propel their cause,
I lost my way and felt a surreal pain,
Growing ever more suspicious inside me,
As if Dali’s brush was painting my sorrow,
Illuminating the darkest gates,
Of my tattered existence,
That only in surrender has begun the reprieve of mind,
Like only Picasso could,
Longing for Matisse to take a stroke,
As Pollack laughs in the distance.

Restless I drift,
In moments of lucidity,
Followed by others of anguish so raw,
That questions tear at the fabric of my knowledge of self,
Where others may have caved in,
Given themselves to the demons beckoning them and I,
To the first circle of hell,
A virtuous pagan,
Seeking redemption in these simple words.

Everywhere I have travelled,
I have carried the burden,
That has held me in place since a child,
The world my oyster,
But never a pearl revealed,
I look at the world with wanderlust,
Screaming to the heavens,
Begging for a place that I can truly call home,
Seeking it from within,
Not finding it externally.

Nowhere have I found,
The security of self,
To acknowledge the golden truth,
That so plainly presents itself,
Now that I have surrendered,
I had to surrender,
Acknowledge the hurt,
Feel it,
Embrace it,
Without allowing it to destroy me,
Which it so clearly has tried to do?
And in that struggle I am beginning to remerge,
Not pointing fingers at the world,
Rather giving it a magnifying glass,
To peer deep within my own fears,
Why the only question that really matters,
When I so clearly would rather create than destroy,
But in my shattering moment,
My souls destruction,
Has given way to rebirth,
Creation of self,
In the image of my own design.

A restless outsider in search of home,
Realizing,
That home is everywhere and nowhere,
So long as I surrender,
The passionate fire inside of me,
More useful than the circles of hell,
For now I define myself,
As I always should have,
And in that self liberation,
I can become,
What I know I should be,
And I display it here for you.

Wordplay for my dear friend... Aga 2

In my own self loathing and ignorance of me,
It is so easy to assign blame to the world at large,
For that which thrust me to the edge,
Where on the precipice,
I could gaze at the void before me,
And spit vitriol,
At any that would listen,
The void that they led me to,
With false hopes and faded promises,
Instead I retreat,
Into my own isolation,
Broken not beaten,
Trying to rejoin my spirit,
Which, momentarily, left my body,
Falling prey and victim,
To the cruel and calculated words that struck me,
Like daggers in the heart,
As my soul bled all over the floor,
Staining more than my ego,
Silence.

In that retreat,
I did not surrender to the darker places in me,
That begged me to give in,
That entreated me to lose all will,
And fall into that devilish place,
Where Gabriel roams,
And Gollum screams of precious,
For surely in the pits of hell,
Or Mordor,
I can see clearly,
What that place begged of me,
Like a game of chess,
Treating me like a pawn,
But no longer will I accept that place,
Those desires,
That are not my own.
Rather a veiled attempt,
To force my hand,
And make me give in,
No I say,
I will not.

Drained,
By years of inconsequence,
By people who cared not for me,
Instead using me like a tool,
A hoe or a rake,
A mouthpiece,
A vehicle for their success,
Knowing the full while,
That I was struggling to survive,
They eating from their silver platters,
My eating soup and crackers,
The scent of an alcohol soaked stairwell forever etched on my mind,
No more I say,
No more.

They say that fame is fleeting,
And yet in this hyper celebritized culture,
All are seeking their fifteen minutes,
Warhol said so,
And Campbell’s must be right,
Or Mao,
Or Marilyn,
My internal clock reads the time,
And my fifteen minutes haven’t yet begun,
My destiny starts now,
Here,
With you,
Would you like to come?

SDM

Wordplay for my dear friend... Aga

My fellow citizens of the universe,
May I entreat you for a moment or more,
To come with me on a journey,
For it is the steps and not the destination,
Which so often reveal that character that we are,
Rather than the character we long to be,
True understanding of self,
As the Oracle of Delphi proclaimed in stone, at its gate,
Nosce Te Ipsum,
Know Thyself,
And I promise you that journey will expose,
The awe and wonder of a child,
Should you let it,
Desire no longer obscured,
As clarity is the mother of invention,
That voice which seemingly haunts,
Does so from a lack of understanding and an unwillingness to surrender,
Of self,
There in the shadows lurking,
You prevent yourself from being,
That which you know you should be,
Thus trapped inside an enigma,
That needn’t even exist,
Ask the question,
Feel the pain,
Free your mind,
And allow your voice,
To proclaim to the world,
This is who I am,
This is who I am meant to be,
And I will not give up,
I will not give in,
I will not stop,
Until I can scream from mountains high,
MY DREAMS FULFILLED ARE YOUR GUIDE POSTS.
Follow me.

SDM

Wordplay 4 April 1

Jump,
You won’t regret it my mind whispers ever louder,
Find the safety of letting go,
Surrendering to the freedom that the universe beckons,
Softly and deftly,
Reveal yourself and all will be right,
It will work,
Come on you fool,
Accept what you already know to be true,
Stop fighting that which is obvious,
Refuse to allow your mental injunction,
To be the impasse that prevents you,
From seizing who you really are,
Never, never, never,
Let that too big for your own good brain,
Keep you in place,
Keep you from realizing all that you are meant to be,
Stand up,
Be afraid,
Embrace that fear,
Engage in the delight that so freely flows,
Not just in these words,
But shining plain as day,
In those bright blue eyes,
Jump,
Jump you fool,
Find out who you really are,
No regrets,
Not one,
Join the tea party,
As the Madhatter,
Don’t be late,
For that very important date,
With your destiny,
Go,
Jump,
You can do it,
Beaten to be sure,
Bruised and battered,
Both seen and unseen,
Embrace the pain,
The darkened purple that resembles the gashes of your soul,
JUMP,
I won’t regret it,
It is time to own,
My important date,
My destiny,
On my terms,
TODAY!

SDM

Wordplay 3 April 1

Where am I?
Where did I go?
Where am I going?
Where is happiness? Sadness?
Where is that switch that I can throw?
Where are the open arms to greet you when you most need them?
Where is the end to all this madness?

When am I going to grow up?
When am I going to be comfortable in my own skin?
When am I going to understand that I can’t change others?
When am I going to learn that they can’t change me?
When am I going to accept what I was put on earth to do?
When will someone else see?

Why was I born this way?
Why does there need to be so much suffering?
Why can’t I close my eyes and dream like others?
Why can’t I live my dreams awake?
Why can’t I find the answer to the question I also can’t find?
Why did it all hit me at once?
Why do I have to grow up instead of old?

What is the meaning of it all?
What is it that I did wrong?
What is it that leaves me feeling this way?
What is it that I just can’t grasp about that which I can’t explain?
What is out there?
What is the question?

How am I going to open my eyes?
How can I engage my soul?
How can I engage yours?
How can I become that which I have always known?
How can I find peace when all around me is violent?
How can this be?
How do you know that tomorrow will be better?
How do you find freedom?
How?

SDM

Wordplay 2 April 1

Mounting my life like a horse,
I channel the spirit of cowboys past,
Yearning for one solid canter,
Away from this mental anguish,
Anxiety and angst filling my soul,
As I try to reclaim the wild stallion,
That exists just beyond my reach,
Riding through the foothills of my own consciousness,
I sense the growing mountains that stand before me,
Knowing that I must climb,
In order to find that spirit laid dormant,
In the moments that I most needed,
Crossing the range to the next challenge,
I find solace in my own attempt,
To step through the gates of my own identity,
Tearing down the barriers,
That stand between I and I,
When in the distance I see,
The last fence that I must jump,
To again reclaim my body, spirit and mind.

SDM

Wordplay 1 April 1

For so long my wagon hitched to a star,
Crossing the universe at the speed of light,
Able to seal of those sounds of silence,
That ring in my ears ruefully,
Holding me in place,
Yet the sky moving around me,
Stuck.

As I try to repatriate,
My own constitution,
I shudder at the thoughts of me,
Continuing to haunt my mind,
Pulling in multiple directions,
All at once,
And not at all sure which way to turn.

The berries of juniper,
My ceaseless emotions,
Fueling my veins,
Like a dry gin martini,
Drunk by my endless thoughts,
Sobering to the reality,
That I need to chart my course,
By something other than Orion’s Belt.

Unlike the motorways,
Leading from countless big cities,
To the relative safety of the burbs,
My mental motorways,
Lead my down equal paths of dark and light,
As I continue to thrive and strive,
To fight another day.

Feeling like a hedgehog,
Small and with little defense,
Than a spine so small,
That it shrinks into itself,
With the heart of a lion,
I live to fight,
I will fight,
I AM FIGHT,
And tomorrow is another day

SDM

Wordplay 3 March 30

Seemingly those creative juices,
That for so long laid dormant,
Or more accurately ignored,
Are bubbling over,
As I purge myself of two years of built up tension,
Fresh with a new idea, every minute or more,
One would assume that on this bright spring day,
I would be cheerful,
And yet I am left,
Angry,
Disturbed,
Ashamed,
And plain as day,
For all to see,
Longing to be like the birdies flying,
Free.

SDM

Wordplay 2 March 30

Considering space and time,
In this period of renewal,
As light hits me from so long ago,
The suns rays travelling their course,
To greet me with a warmth that has been missing for so long,
I retreat into the safety of its glow,
Looking for the first spring blossoms,
As the flowers get ready for their first peek,
Off in the distance,
Like Gump’s flower,
I see the white fragments like soft fallen snow,
Fluttering through the air,
And reminding of me of a bygone time,
Yellow daffodils seemingly only minutes away,
Though I know I must be patient,
With them and myself,
And soon they will arrive,
Trumpeted by the crocuses,
And framed by the children,
Running free,
Filled with laughter,
Their joy palpable,
And so I return,
For a moment,
To a better time and place.

SDM

Wordplay March 30

At the altar of my discontent,
I bob and weave,
Through the web of deceit,
That rings more true than anything before it,
I struggle to see through the mist,
As I roam through thoughts of yesterday,
And beliefs of tomorrow,
Grounded in nothing,
And everything all at once,
The labyrinth of my mind,
A maze from which I am attempting to emerge,
Reborn,
Christened like a new born baby,
Praising at the church of words,
As I ascend,
The staircase of my soul,
On to another place,
Far from here,
And yet,
Right around the corner.

SDM

Wordplay 3 March 29

Caught in an incessant landslide of emotional revolt,
My intellect grapples with the impossible,
For what sanity is there to be found in a crippled state of delusion,.
The presumptuous clinging to a life that is no longer possible,
For change is going to come.

Longing to find something relevant,
In that which defies understanding and logic,
Rocking back and forth in my mind,
As space and time envelop me,
In a blanket no longer comfortable,
So I reach for galaxies untold,
In hope that maybe there…

The instinctive resonance of my fingers gliding,
Across a once empty page,
Reaction more than action,
As I close in on that one thing, that one moment,
And then…
Its gone.

As if fighting a champions brawl,
I am left to consider the sucker punch thrown,
In the bloodbath of my souls desires,
Clear and uncertain,
Definite and unkind.

Did I miss the cue?
Somehow in my confused state,
Did I zig instead of zag,
And so I cry out:
Which way am I to go?
Can anyone tell me?
I NEED TO KNOW!

Perhaps these words are easier,
Now that my emotions run free,
Or because I do not need to open my mouth,
Changing a read to some verbal onslaught,
Of a tortured soul,
That laments the days when all seemed so certain,
And all at once it was not… for I still sit here,
Troubled.

As Beethoven’s 7th,
Runs through every vein in my body,
My blood flowing with the anger,
That delicate and beautiful anger,
The soft misery of my immortal beloved,
The words that I so long to find relevant,
To reveal,
An answer that is not there,
That which amounted to my own sense,
Of an intrinsic value,
It is not there…

That opinion of self,
So ravaged and pulled apart by this wretched spree,
Torn and tattered at the crossroads of life,
No destination,
Just a journey,
No book ends,
Just… questions, and then more,
Ever elusive as I write,
Awaiting the perfect bargain,
Without a bang,
Denouement,
The writers salvation.

SDM

Wordplay 2 March 29

Inside a fire burns,
Embers sparking a new respect,
For all the words I’ve known and shared,
Each little poem, essay or story,
A piece of myself,
Like a grain of sand on an ever growing beach,
Or a tiny stone on a country gravel road,
That defies description.

Perhaps in knowing this past,
My current state is stained,
By a horrible feeling,
That I have somehow met a plateau,
From which I cannot escape,
No matter how hard I try,
Leaving me in a sinking state,
That defies description.

My mind,
Tattered and torn,
Revealing little to me now,
As I struggle to lift myself,
Out of the pits of despair,
Anxiety and angst,
Constantly growing,
And every once and a while,
A stunning retreat,
For a moment of clarity,
On this winding road of life,
That defies description.

Returning to my past words,
Again I fall into,
The conduit generator,
Of five words or more,
To deliver me a mechanism.
That allows me to purge these feelings deep,
An act of sedition against myself,
That defies description.

Championing the ability to move,
Even if for only a moment,
Or to go outside,
To wake up,
To once again rejoin the world,
Triumphant,
Ignoring rejection,
And pressing on,
Searching for the flagstones,
To lay a foundation of me,
To explore,
That I might find something that can be described.

SDM

Wordplay 1 March 29

Within me lay a towering force,
That presently I am unable to control,
Not quite able to put my finger on it,
I contemplate the past, present and future,
Searching for some answer,
That might free me from this terrible spot.

The photographs of my mind,
Dimly lit and shadowed,
Faces not exactly clear,
As I attempt to flee,
From this current state,
Rambunctious as I try,
To no avail.

How do I long to return,
To some understandable sense of myself,
No longer slave to uncontrollable emotions,
And the unrelenting tears that follow,
Pleading with myself,
To reveal that spirit true,
Wandering and wondering,
When again will I know,
The shine within,
Effervescent for all the world to see,
Plain as day.

SDM

Wordplay 3

Moving through this depressive stage,
At a snails pace,
It is easy to allow the confrontation of self,
To derail an otherwise sane moment,
Though I know,
It is from these moments that I must build,
A life that I can lead,
Where personal truth,
Triumphantly proclaims,
I am I,
Drinking an elixir,
Concocted from the fallen tears of Angels,
My mind wanders,
Like a nomadic Bulgarian tribe,
In search of safer shores,
Lush and resplendent,
Like a coniferous tree,
In its spring best,
Though for now,
I must relent,
Sitting in an asphalt jungle,
With questions,
Ever mounting,
Answers to follow like the seasons,
But for now,
Content in the search.

SDM

Wordplay 2

The telephone rings,
Incessantly,
And a creeping suspicion crawls into my thoughts,
Slowly like a caterpillar looking for a leaf,
Or perhaps like Alices’ friend beckoning a reckoning;
“Who are you?”

In an attempt to answer,
I stand by the window,
Looking out grimly,
Onto the cars as they pass by,
Knowing that the epic struggle,
Between two parts of me,
Will one day,
Come to a resolution,
That now evades.

Sitting silent and restless,
I purge my soul,
Through these simple words,
Looking for answers,
From somewhere in my strike zone,
Rounding the bases of my thoughts,
In this cosmic baseball game,
that sees me in the bottom of the third,
or so I hope.

Soaring through cosmos,
I reflect on these trying times,
With an open heart,
And a tortured soul,
Knowing that brown,
Is the new black,
And I,
Am the old new me.,
Shedding my cocoon,
A butterfly I will be.

SDM

Wordplay 1 March 27

In a wild twist of fate, I have returned,
To that which for reasons unknown I had abandoned,
In a search for self,
That rattles me to the core of my identity;
Who am I?

Free to explore the depths of myself,
I refuse to allow the niggardly understanding of me,
To hold me back in this moment of need,
Coming to a point that beckons, requires,
Indeed propels me forward in these words I write.

Perhaps to some it would seem the folly of a narcissist,
Filled with speculations and conjectures,
That don’t ring true,
But I’ve come to realize that when all is stripped away,
All that is left,
Is the shell of me,
A vessel,
Which I determine how to fill,
And become one with myself again.

My voice once distinct,
Seems to elude me at present,
Though I will continue,
Five words at a time,
Striving to find within,
This stream of consciousness,
That voice distinctive,
Which served me so well for all my years.

On beautiful wings,
Lady Serendipity,
Hovers near me,
As I press on,
Toward a life I know I am meant to live,
But struggle to figure out exactly how,
For now,
One word, one phrase, one stanza,
At a time.

SHOUT OUT!

I stand before you naked and raw,
A vessel to be filled,
Longing for some unattainable answer,
That sends me deeper within myself,
My soul bleeding,
From a million little paper cuts,
Ravaged by time,
Beat down yet determined,
To find that strength,
To not give in,
For to do so would be to let ‘them’ win.

I stand before you raw,
My emotions flowing over,
An empty cup,
Desiring nothing more than to understand,
These feelings that sucker punch me,
More powerful than every punch Tyson ever threw,
On a precipice of something new,
And undefined,
So as I search,
I become,
One day a time,
Stronger than I was the day before...maybe.

I stand before you naked,
Once a man,
Or so I thought,
Though now I realize I am but a boy,
Stuck in a mans body,
Cleverly disguised as an adult,
All of you fooled,
But not me.

I stand before you,
Unmasked,
Yearning for something,
That I can’t quite put my finger on,
And even if I could,
Would I?

Here I stand.
As if on Everest,
Aching for one last breath,
Before reaching the summit,
Of my own realizations,
Flooding my consciousness,
With another paper cut,
As questions mount,
And no answers are to be found… as I approach my seventh pint…
Leaking,
My veins with no more to give.

Standing before you,
I shout out,
I beg for your forgiveness,
Acceptance of me,
Acknowledging my faults,
And seeing through them,
To get at the core of my identity,
That you might relate,
With this struggle internal,
That has grown ever louder,
With each day I wake up,
Pondering, wandering, squandering,
All that I was, All that I am, All that I will be,
The only recourse,
These words,
That flow from me as sure as,
The water of life from the Himalayan peaks,
My lifeblood,
With each new cut,
Splattered on this page,
So…

I SHOUT OUT!

SDM

Wordplay 2

Documenting my own fragility and the reason of my spirit to bring me to a place that I can at once reveal to myself the truth and the darkness that caused me to break I can smile gently as I know that in this process I can become – that which I have always known I am.

Through this exploration I know that I will encounter harsh realities that I have kept at bay for years through destructive self medication, one sip or sniff or toke at a time, all the while knowing that in their safety I could hide without addressing that which needs addressing, I will become more comfortable with all concepts of self, to rebuild once and for all, the me that needs to shine. The me that needs to be not what others want or expect but the me that I have known since early on I was born to be.

Elaborating on the gut wrenching feelings that are buried deep within I begin to understand that the fabric of me is far more complex than even I realize. That the battle for self has really become a battle for survival on my own terms. Unmasking the dark solitude of my own scorn I know that I need to let go for if I do not I will fall victim to my own vitriol, my own self deprecation, my own darkness that can just as easily become the driving force that leads me to the light.

Curious why I allowed myself to get so low that I almost gave in I now attempt to rebuild the life that I want to live, allowing feelings to run through my veins just as easily as a shot of scotch, feelings that I had run from, as now I run toward them. There are no answers here just questions that mount the frame of my own existence. Through these words I am left to determine my own fate and become the master of my own manifest destiny.

Discovery of self or more accurately a rediscovery of self has caused me to reach out to loved ones far and near to gain the support structures that I need as readily as a building a foundation and load bearing columns. I know that this process will ultimately aid in my own designs for a future that only a scant few weeks ago seemed so uncertain and though not at peace I am comfortable (marginally so) with this struggle to determine where I can be me and know that every day the minor victories lead to the ultimate triumph of self.

SDM

Wordplay 1 March 26

If I wasn’t so scared, at the moment,
I would choose to fly far away from here,
To a place where in harmony Mother Earth,
Presents her case each day,
To the willing masses,
Those seek redemption,
From her grace.

If I wasn’t scared,
I would jump the first airplane to anywhere,
Far from here,
Not just to get away,
But instead to seek what seems missing,
That piece of myself,
That no longer wants to hide in the shadows.

If I wasn’t scared,
I would allow myself the safety of a laugh,
Shared with the universe,
As God does not play dice,
And laughs at our plans.

If I wasn’t so scared,
I would climb a tree as high as I could,
So that I could touch the sky like a bird,
And be closer to the truth,
Reaching for the stars,
And escaping the black hole of my own despair.

If I wasn’t so scared,
I would refuse to allow my fears, redundant,
To hold me in a place that is less than where I long to be,
I would jump,
Head first,
Into the awaiting reality,
That has beckoned me from birth,
Like a processional hymn beckons a priest,
To deliver insight,
Into that which seems so dark,
And compels us to the light.

If I wasn’t so scared, I might,
Just might,
Be able to move beyond my current state,
To discover,
All of me,
As I have been meant to be,
Since birth…

SDM

Broken

I’ve been living less than life,
Or so it seems,
Holding on to fears that haunt,
Penetrating my soul,
Like armor piercing bullets,
Constantly considering the fate of me,
Without understanding that the whole is not the sum of its parts,
Running from the truth,
That has been obvious and consistent,
Since the day I was born,
Revealed more fully,
The day I first picked up a book,
And found enlightenment,
Deepened the day I took up a pen and a pad,
And started exploring the feelings that are the whole and sum of me.

Deep within,
A fire burned relentlessly,
And I ran from it,
Daily,
As my own gray matter,
Was shaded black and white,
And would not let me go,
To a place that none should go,
And so here I stand,
Still,
Searching for that same courage,
Of the first time I put in words,
Feelings that were like gapping wounds,
And the pen was my band-aid.

I’ve been living less than life,
Constantly fearing,
The feelings nearing,
The centre of me,
Like the eye of the storm,
Quiet for a moment,
Before the relentless torment,
Stretches me thin,
To a point that even I cannot deny,
And then in a moment of clarity,
My eyes are opened,
To reality.

Deep within,
The encyclopedia of me,
Is writing new entries,
In a life renewed,
Battling with myself,
For myself,
To be myself,
Torn apart at the seams,
I again write reams,
Of a life renewed,
But still longing,
For that sense of self,
That depends on nothing more,
Than the words,
The words that have always been,
The fiefdom,
Where I know,
All will… eventually, be ok.

I’ve been living less than life,
Though to those who know,
I have struggled,
Banging my head against the wall,
With each and every step,
Until now,
Where broken,
I can rebuild myself in the image of me,
And long for nothing more,
Than the freedom to be,
What I know I have always been…

SDM

I’m High…

I’m high…
Like I could never imagine,
Blazing trails through my own consciousness,
Trying to find some enlightenment,
While fleeting memories of a me that is no longer there,
Fades into a quiet corner,
Where my screams are deafening,
Yet you can’t hear them.

I’m high…
As a bird in flight,
Free from the clutter of collusion,
Lies and deceit,
Tearing at my dreams,
As I take hold of something that was lost for so long,
Myself.

I’m high…
On a drug that every dealer,
On every corner,
Would kill to have,
LIFE.

I’m high…
As I try to penetrate my own fortress,
Breaking down the barriers,
Those have been put up in defense of me,
That no longer serve my destiny,
Thus revealing a world that for so long,
Has seemed alien to me,
As I grapple with a sense of self,
Diminished,
By continuous rejection,
And the sounds of silence.

I’m high…
Trying to reveal myself to me,
Nosce Te Ipsum,
My own Oracle at Delphi,
Softly whispering,
That all will be ok,
And that true freedom is right around the corner,
And that all I need do is accept my fate,
As designed,
By me…

I’m high… high I am,
Writing through this pain that cuts like a trench,
Through the landscape of a life of pain,
Constantly working toward something,
Though not knowing what it is,
And then,
As if the universe rewards my confusion,
Others arrive,
To let me know,
That I can be free,
I can be high,
I can be me,
And all I have to do,
Is let go,
Have faith,
And soar,
As I am meant to…

I’m high…
As the fragments of me,
That so coldly beat me into oblivion,
Are reassembling,
At the waypoint,
Of my own desire,
To become,
To be,
To thrive,
On what is right,
ME.

SDM

TPECSHFZA6HG

When…

I can’t take it anymore… the lies, the open deceit,
Perpetrated against us by our leaders,
By our media outlets,
Propagated and taught in our schools – colleges and universities and I’m left scratching my head,
Wondering at first alone,
And now aloud,
WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO WAKE UP???

Believe me,
There is no amount of coffee smelling that will assist
To this solemn reality,
There is a war being waged,
AGAINST YOU,
Against all that our founding fathers held dear,
And up until very recently beyond reproach,
An intergenerational tyranny;
Our form of government,
Our very freedom is under attack,
And not by Al – Qaeda,
Nor the IRA, ETA or the Taliban,
Our own institutions are being used against us,
19% at a time
And with the stroke of a pen you and I have no recourse,
Caffeine hitting you yet?

When are you going to realize that everything that you hold dear,
Is a lie,
Fabricated by men in ivory towers,
The same military industrial complex that Eisenhower warned against,
Save that now it is in control,
War is business,
Business is profit,
Lies…
Constantly,
Free market and democracy,
Have you been paying attention?

What free market?
Where?
Governments around the world,
Shortsighted and filled with green in their eyes,
Deregulated almost every sector of the economy,
And those hawks,
Both military and corporate,
Far and wide,
Took governments to the cleaners,
Wall Street rejoiced,
As governments too blind, too stupid or just plain shorting us all,
Gave way to the almighty dollar,
One credit default swap and foreclosure at a time.

Like Gecko said,
Greed is Good,
And he said so from his Ivory Tower,
And now history,
As always repeats itself,
Because we,
The ones with the real power,
Pay no attention to the real machinations,
That keep us comfortable,
And dumb as mules,
Hi ho hi ho its off to work we go,
And yet we are paid,
In real dollars less than we would have been paid in 1985,
And yet our productivity has gone through the roof, up almost 50%
Making millions, billions and trillions,
For people that don’t need it…
And have no intention of sharing (let alone caring).

So I ask you,
WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SMELL JUAN VALDEZ,
Participate, while you can,
For soon our choices,
Our freedoms,
Our comfy way of life,
Will be assaulted again,
As if it never stopped…
And believe me, it didn’t,
It’s okay though, change the channel… Isn’t Survivor on?
McLuhan screaming from the grave as he rolls over for the final time.

I ask you,
When is enough enough,
And when will our ideals,
Reach far and wide,
And become reality?

SDM