Wordplay 1 April 3 (Aga)

A chosen outsider existing on the fringe,
I must acknowledge and accept,
The facts of life as they are,
And not as I want them to be,
Marginalized by those who abused me,
Utilizing the very essence of my spirit,
To propel their cause,
I lost my way and felt a surreal pain,
Growing ever more suspicious inside me,
As if Dali’s brush was painting my sorrow,
Illuminating the darkest gates,
Of my tattered existence,
That only in surrender has begun the reprieve of mind,
Like only Picasso could,
Longing for Matisse to take a stroke,
As Pollack laughs in the distance.

Restless I drift,
In moments of lucidity,
Followed by others of anguish so raw,
That questions tear at the fabric of my knowledge of self,
Where others may have caved in,
Given themselves to the demons beckoning them and I,
To the first circle of hell,
A virtuous pagan,
Seeking redemption in these simple words.

Everywhere I have travelled,
I have carried the burden,
That has held me in place since a child,
The world my oyster,
But never a pearl revealed,
I look at the world with wanderlust,
Screaming to the heavens,
Begging for a place that I can truly call home,
Seeking it from within,
Not finding it externally.

Nowhere have I found,
The security of self,
To acknowledge the golden truth,
That so plainly presents itself,
Now that I have surrendered,
I had to surrender,
Acknowledge the hurt,
Feel it,
Embrace it,
Without allowing it to destroy me,
Which it so clearly has tried to do?
And in that struggle I am beginning to remerge,
Not pointing fingers at the world,
Rather giving it a magnifying glass,
To peer deep within my own fears,
Why the only question that really matters,
When I so clearly would rather create than destroy,
But in my shattering moment,
My souls destruction,
Has given way to rebirth,
Creation of self,
In the image of my own design.

A restless outsider in search of home,
Realizing,
That home is everywhere and nowhere,
So long as I surrender,
The passionate fire inside of me,
More useful than the circles of hell,
For now I define myself,
As I always should have,
And in that self liberation,
I can become,
What I know I should be,
And I display it here for you.