Hallelujah Questions

At every point,
That I have turned,
I have been disappointed,
As I struggle to comprehend,
How I end up this way,
Searching and not finding,
Leads to problems of the spirit and the soul,
As Leonard Cohen,
Tugs at my heartstrings,
As picturesque and subtle beauty,
Only comes in black and white,
And the only word I can spare,
Is Hallelujah?

At every point,
Of this tragic life,
I have pushed on,
Searching,
Seeking,
Figuring out,
What I know,
And what I don’t,
Knowing that the latter is winning that battle,
Returning still to the faint hope,
Of the sun as it reaches a cross,
Just as it has in my life.

At every point,
I have reached toward the heavens,
Spiritual and not religious,
As I thrash about,
Again,
Cohen beckoning me to believe,
Something,
Just not sure what,
Nor is he.

At every point,
I have found,
That I am lost,
Wandering list fully,
Attempting to know,
That which refuses to be known,
In a useless quest,
That will only leave me,
Hanging.

At every point,
One way here,
Another way there,
Lonely and yet surrounded,
Again,
The clouds,
My tears reveal,
And again,
Leonard pulls me back,
A giant,
Pulling out of me,
Everything I have left,
But can I show it?
Did he?

At every point,
Loathing saves for when I love,
For who I love,
Is like an angels choir,
Many voices united,
In prayer,
But to who or what,
Is not so clear,
And if it were would it still be so majestic?

Leonard says he’s done his best,
And I know he has,
Tried,
As I have,
To begin the process,
Of healing,
And yet,
For us both,
It is vain,
That we wait for something we’ll never know,
At least not in this life,
Could we?

At every point,
Hallelujah,
My cross screaming out to be seen,
Wanting to be felt,
Longing to be known,
For what I am,
For who I am,
For when this life is over,
My words will remain;

Hallelujah!

SDM