Broken

I’ve been living less than life,
Or so it seems,
Holding on to fears that haunt,
Penetrating my soul,
Like armor piercing bullets,
Constantly considering the fate of me,
Without understanding that the whole is not the sum of its parts,
Running from the truth,
That has been obvious and consistent,
Since the day I was born,
Revealed more fully,
The day I first picked up a book,
And found enlightenment,
Deepened the day I took up a pen and a pad,
And started exploring the feelings that are the whole and sum of me.

Deep within,
A fire burned relentlessly,
And I ran from it,
Daily,
As my own gray matter,
Was shaded black and white,
And would not let me go,
To a place that none should go,
And so here I stand,
Still,
Searching for that same courage,
Of the first time I put in words,
Feelings that were like gapping wounds,
And the pen was my band-aid.

I’ve been living less than life,
Constantly fearing,
The feelings nearing,
The centre of me,
Like the eye of the storm,
Quiet for a moment,
Before the relentless torment,
Stretches me thin,
To a point that even I cannot deny,
And then in a moment of clarity,
My eyes are opened,
To reality.

Deep within,
The encyclopedia of me,
Is writing new entries,
In a life renewed,
Battling with myself,
For myself,
To be myself,
Torn apart at the seams,
I again write reams,
Of a life renewed,
But still longing,
For that sense of self,
That depends on nothing more,
Than the words,
The words that have always been,
The fiefdom,
Where I know,
All will… eventually, be ok.

I’ve been living less than life,
Though to those who know,
I have struggled,
Banging my head against the wall,
With each and every step,
Until now,
Where broken,
I can rebuild myself in the image of me,
And long for nothing more,
Than the freedom to be,
What I know I have always been…

SDM