Fu Qin 父亲

You have become the destroyer of worlds,
or was it always that way;
Quitter,
Bull shitter,
Liar,
Thief,

Broken;

All flowers you touch wilt,
your children,
of your design,
you have shamed them,
beaten them,
emotionally strangled them,
you have used one against the other,
you have violated their most intimate relationships,
and yet you demand their love,
you expect their respect,
you want the worlds esteem;

WELL NO MORE!

I see you for what you are,
what you reveal,
and what you hide deep within the bowels of your own soul, even from those closest to you
I see what you pretend to be,
I see what you've become,
but more importantly what you always appear to have been.

WHEN DID IT HAPPEN?

Do you even know?
Do you remember the moment,
that you sold your soul,
like Midas,
save that your touch is not golden,
more like an acid,
corrosive,
eating away at all you touch,
especially those closest to you who had no choice;

WELL NO MORE.

I can no longer stand on the sideline,
as you use me,
abuse me,
play me against those I love most,
play me for a fool,
no more I say.

For you were supposed to be the one to nurture,
protect,
raise me to the light,
and as I look back I see only the darkness,
an abyss from which I have always tried to escape,
a mental purgatory,
that you created,
manipulated,
string puller,
but I must live with it,
until now (though the scars that no one sees haunt my every day);

NO MORE!

Do you hear me?

Finished...

As to be a man,
there are things that we must do,
responsibilities that we must bear,
well those of us that are still clinging to our soul,
but not you,
I fear that you gave that up long ago.

Depressed,
I bet,
and for good reason,
and now I expect you to live with it,
for all those you've hurt,
for all those you continue to haunt,
with promises of everything,
illusions of more,
and delivery of nothing,
and nothingness,
A long life I hope.

be depressed,
live long with it,
struggle on,
because despite all you have done,
or not done,
as the case may be,
I stand witness,
as do all my siblings,
each with our own faults, but not like yours,
to the triumph of Good over Evil.

Fu Qin indeed! 父亲

SDM

October 29th, 2004 - Also Appropriate

My father said in a drunken rage a while back that he hated me. A statement that stung then and stings now. My father has not been an easy man to love, but I still do and always will. He is my father. HOWEVER, there are moments in life where we have to consider things we didn’t ever want to.

I have not been the perfect son but I’ve always tried to be there for him. Yesterday he sent me a third email, on a non-related matter and apologized again for his actions.

Fine.

HOWEVER, through his own actions he has caused my Mother, Brothers and Sisters and myself untold and unspoken pain.

He is a man (as am I) and must be accountable for his actions and to date I have not seen that. This causes no small measure of pain for me.

I’ve ALWAYS believed in him, even when others have not.

I have ALWAYS supported him, even when others have not.

It’s sad, confusing, heartbreaking and difficult.

SDM

History

HISTORY

Before today was yesterday and tomorrow will be shaped by both.
Therefore, is it not time to explore humanities history highlighting our failure.
Spending careful attention on the SINS OF OUR FATHERS
so they can help develop the ethics of our SONS and DAUGHTERS.
Teach them just how wrong we’ve been and how often
so they don’t repeat OUR foolish ways.
I feel as if history has been thrown away, as a general rule,
and I FEAR that the key to our salvation lay in understanding our history.

SDM